Letting Go
What is so hard about letting go? For starters, letting go of something somehow implies that something you were holding onto will now fall (or fly, depending on perspective and direction). Jumping out of a plane, you have to let go to experience the exhilaration of the fall. Flying through the air on a trapeze, you have to let go and trust to get to the other side. In an emotional battle with someone, you have to let go and allow the pain and hurt to fall away. A lot of times, letting go is just what the doctor ordered. It’s the thing that gets you to the other side of fear. Yes, that’s it. Fear. Letting go always involves some sort of fear. That’s what kept you holding onto that thing in the first place!
What is my letting go? I sit right now with the biggest lump in my throat and in my heart as I decide (with my husband, of course) as we decide to send our boys back to brick and mortar school. We have had them home schooled for two years now. We have seen improvements in their self-esteem and their independence. My youngest son is a speed racer when it comes to any task. He can complete things very fast. It’s the idle time that gets him into trouble. My eldest son, is turning 13 in September. He is the one I worry about the most. His past experiences with school were not so great. He was bullied, made fun of, and had his feelings hurt frequently. He still talks about it when he talks about school – and this was three years ago! So now, all of the paths are converging on the direction of sending them back to school. There is screaming inside my head. So much screaming!! On one hand, I’m excited to see how they do in a new environment. On the other, I dread them having a bad experience. What is the fear? Hurt! – them getting hurt. Is this a part of life that they need to learn? Maybe. As parents, how do we protect them? These are the ramblings of a Mom who is torn to pieces, knowing that a new experience might be good but also fearful that the experience will cause pain. A hard place to be. The roads are leading in that direction even if I don’t want them to. Just as the road led to the direction of homeschooling during my last year in my PhD program when I was writing my dissertation and preparing to defend. That was the worst possible time to start home schooling. But there we were, and that was the road that was before us. Now we’re back – full circle. Will it be better this time? Well, stay tuned. My hope is that it will.
What is your letting go? What will fall? What is the fear the keeps you holding on to it? Let’s be brave together and just let go… then see how the universe (and God) guides and protects us as we plunge into the unknown!
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